by ERIK ORTON

We all think we know how it’s going to turn out. We’ve already written our story and like how it ends: We have a happy family, grow old together, watch our grandkids become adults and die peacefully in our sleep surrounded by loved ones. But then a plot twist happens (i.e. divorce, fired, cancer, betrayal, bankruptcy, injury, pandemic) and nothing in our story looks likely anymore. We don’t know what to do. We get mad, angry, frustrated, worried, anxious. Afraid. How do we get our old story back? How do we get to the ending we liked? Or maybe we write a new story.

This is the month of shattered expectations. March 2020. As I think about my friends, family, myself and even strangers, nothing is turning out the way we expected:

weddings moved up, wedding receptions cancelled, college graduations scrapped, job offers rescinded, trips to places where borders are now closed, birthday parties with no guests, no visits from the grandkids, decimated retirement accounts, actual sickness from corona virus, in some cases death, the list is endless.

As I think about our cancelled year (because everything we had planned for the next six months is off the table), this came home to me most directly through our two oldest daughters. (Don’t miss the videos at the bottom.)

Picking up Alison at jfk one month early

Karina’s final semester of college fizzled as all her classes went online, commencement was cancelled and her college town turned into a ghost town. We invited her to come home and stay with us until we all know what we want to do next. Tuesday she decided to move home. We bought her a flight for the next day and she is with us now. We’re writing a new story.

Alison has been living in Japan for the past 17 months. She was supposed to come home May 1. We would all meet her at the airport with signs. We would hug and kiss her and she would come home to a reception with all her friends and family, get a job and earn money for her fall semester of college. Then the State Department issued a travel warning and told all U.S. citizens to get home or be prepared to stay abroad indefinitely. Her and several thousand missionaries around the world migrated toward airports where their flights were rapidly being arranged. Alison wore a mask for 24 hours as she flew from Tokyo to Detroit to New York City.

Emily and I raced to pick her up. Only Emily and I went. No large groups. No gatherings. When we picked her up we couldn’t hug her. We were under strict instructions for no physical contact and for her to quarantine for 14 days. After not seeing your daughter for a year and half, you can’t give her a hug. Who ever has that expectation? We stood there in the airport corridor and stared at each other. Then we bowed, deep, long Japanese bows of honor, respect and love. We were writing a new story.

Lily soaking up all the sunshine of her bright future

As we live our stories, we want it to follow the script we’ve written for ourselves. We want it to flow steadily from success to success, win to win until our life ends in peaceful triumph. But for those of us that have ever read any book ever or seen any movie ever made, we know that’s not how it happens. That’s not how a character grows. There will always be a plot twist. And it always comes out of no where.

Why does there always have to be a plot twist? Because a plot twist helps us learn what we really want and know how hard we’re willing to work to get it. Why does that matter? Because that’s what life is about. What do you really want? And what are you willing to overcome to get it? (“It” doesn’t have to be a thing. It can be a lot of things, including a way of being.)

We left the airport and drove Alison to midtown. Miraculously, a friend was out of town and offered for Alison to do her quarantine in his empty home. Without touching each other, we got her groceries loaded in, her luggage up the stairs and made her bed. We would see her again in two weeks. We were writing a new story.

All over the world everyone is experiencing their own mini-drama of dashed expectations, unfulfilled plans, shifted realities. I hope we can all be patient with ourselves and each other. We’re all re-writing our stories as they unfold. And re-writing is hard. It forces us to think in different ways. We have to see our selves, each other and the world around is a fresh way. That can be daunting but also massively important.

We’re re-writing our stories as individuals, societies and even as a global family. We’re letting our guard down. As we conduct business, teach and stay connected from our living rooms and kitchen tables through laptops and smart phones, we’re seeing into each others lives. We’re seeing each other in new ways, in new settings and new rhythms. Remember when you ran into your elementary school teacher at the grocery store and you realized he or she had a life outside the classroom? This is that moment, for the whole world.

So what do we do with our plot twist? What do we do when our life goes off script? The worst thing we can do is resist. Like it or not, schools are closed. Like it or not, borders are closed. Like it or not, things will never be the same again.

If you were in the movie/book/story of your own life, what would you want your character to do? You are the hero in your story. You decide how you will respond to this out-of-the-blue plot twist that has come between you and your expectations. Only you can decide if this will discourage and defeat you. Or will it make you stronger, more resilient, nimble and adaptable? This is a beautiful opportunity for us to face our fears and step deeper into who we want to be. We’re all writing a new story. I can’t wait to see what story you write for yourself.

THE ORTON GIRLS WRITING A NEW STORY:

Karina and her friends created a mini-graduation ceremony just for her. The whole thing went down in less than 1 minute, but what a beautiful scene in her new story.

Karina’s custom homemade college graduation

Picking up Alison was a roller coaster of emotions. That’s how plot twists work. But it’s what we do after them that makes all the difference. Here’s Alison arriving at JFK:

Here’s the full performance of the song “Bring it Home”. We love that it’s written by a band called American Authors, like us :)